


Thinking Of You

by BellaGattino



Category: CW Network RPF
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-17
Updated: 2012-10-17
Packaged: 2017-11-16 12:45:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,099
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/539570
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BellaGattino/pseuds/BellaGattino
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Based On Christian Kane's "Thinking Of You"</p>
            </blockquote>





	Thinking Of You

 

  


 

He didn't know what happened. Honestly, he didn't know exactly how everything in his life had come tumbling down around his ears. With that in his mind, he didn't know what he needed to do to fix it.  
All he did know was that Chad had walked away. Left him with a whispered apology and a tear in his eye.

 _Chris smiled as he climbed the stairs. He had spent the better part of three hours in his studio working on a song. He didn't often have reason to write a song for someone he was with, but with Chad it was different. God, so different. Everything about Chad was what he didn't even know he had wanted. He stepped up onto the top stair and pushed the door together behind him heading toward the living room.  
“Chad?” He called as the TV was dark, living room empty. He heard a noise in the foyer, and turned toward it. He smiled as he took in his lover, his broad shoulders, blond hair bright under the overhead light. “Hey baby-” His eyes landed on a duffel bag laying at his lovers feet. “What – where you going?” He couldn't ignore the tendril of fear that unwound in his stomach.   
“I'm leaving.” Chad said not turning toward Chris.  
“For how long?” _He had a role come up. _Chris told himself as he silently begged Chad to turn toward him.  
Chad looked over his shoulder and Chris' heart broke as he saw the tears balancing on his lashes, “For good.”   
“Why?” Chris' voice broke as he looked up at his lover. _How could this happen? _He thought they were happy...  
“I just can't do this anymore.”   
_Christian could still feel the fear, the pain tighten in his chest at Chad's words. For a moment he had waited, expecting Chad to explain, to tell him what he had done wrong but he watched – shock stilling his motions – as Chad turned and pulled open the front door, stepping out into the cold Portland rain without another look back.  
“Where'd you go dude?” Jensen asked, concern painting his face. He plucked a cord on the guitar that sat on his knee as he watched Chris. He had called Chris when he knew that Jared and himself had a few days off and had instantly been able to tell something was horribly wrong. So instead of inviting Chris up to Vancouver, they had hightailed it to Portland renting a hotel suite a few blocks from Chris' condo.  
Chris shook his head letting the memories fall away. “No where.” Chris dropped his eyes to his own guitar to hide the the pain he knew was so clearly showing in his eyes.   
Jensen shook his head, he had known by the tone of Chris' voice that something was wrong when he had called, but now sitting in front of him it was so clear he was hurting that the pain seemed to radiate from the older man.   
Jensen sighed and Chris heard a thud as Jensen put his guitar on the floor. “When are you gonna start telling me what's going on?” Jensen was trying to not sound as frustrated as he was. Chris' house, which was usually full with noise – music almost always playing from one of the rooms – was completely quiet.   
“There is nothing to tell.” Chris said not looking up as he played random notes. And really what could he say? He was fairly certain he knew why Chad had left, but without being sure he didn't want to say. He felt like an ass and he was sure that Jensen would think the same thing if he knew, but he had been so desperate to have something that was _his_ and only his that he hadn't told anyone that he was with Chad. He loved the nights that they spent at home, alone just the two of them and he hadn't wanted to share that. He realized now, far too late for it to matter, how that had looked to Chad.  
Jensen jumped from his seat. “Damn it Chris! I am so fucking tired of this routine! It's bullshit you know it and I know it!”   
Chris finally looked up at him and Jensen gasped as he saw the tears in Chris' eyes. “Chris!” Jen fell to his knees in front of his friend. “What happened?”   
Chris shook his head and cleared his throat, “don't ask.”   
Jensen sighed and settled back on his knees. He wanted to know what happened but he knew Chris well enough to know that he would tell him nothing until he was ready so he nodded and said, “Okay.”

~*~**~*~

“How was Chris?” Jared asked a few minutes after Jen came back from Chris'.  
Jensen groaned and let his head fall back on the couch cushion.  
“That bad?”  
“Yeah,” Jen looked at him and held out his hand, “C'mere.”  
Jared smiled, pushed away from the doorway, placed his beer on the coffee table and settled himself on Jen's lap. He carded his fingers together behind Jen's head, his palms resting against Jen's neck. He smiled down at him, letting his thumbs caress the underside of Jen's jaw, “Don't even think about it. We are fine.”  
Jensen smiled, grateful Jared knew him so well. “I love you.” He whispered as he pulled Jared to his lips.  
“I love you too, baby.” Jared chuckled as Jen growled at the name but sighed as Jensen kissed him.

~*~**~*~

Jared looked down at Jensen sprawled out on his chest a few hours later. They where watching Jen's favorite movie but he knew his lover's mind was a million miles away. “Chris tell you what happened?”  
Jensen sighed, rested his hand palm down on Jared's chest then rested his chin on his knuckles, “That obvious?”  
Jared smiled, “Nah, I just know you.”  
“It's not like we didn't know they were together.” Jared nodded, they had known. Chad had no reason to be in Portland for nearly two months, and Chris  
Jen kissed Jared's chest then settled again. “No, he's pretending that no one knows he's head over heels with Chad.”  
Jared nodded, “Well you know I've tried to call Chad for three days. He texts be back, but he won't answer his phone. So Jared's eyes soften as he looked down at Jensen, “Sounds like someone else I know.”  
Jensen blushed, “Well you know birds of a feather and all that.”  
Jared chuckled and wrapped his hands around Jen's sides, under his arms and hauled him up to his lips. He smirked as he saw Jen's eyes darken, “C'mere and let me remind you how head over heels I am.”  
Jen groaned, pulled his legs under him so he was straddling Jared and stretched back out over his boyfriend. “Yeah, remind me.”  
~*~**~*~  
It had been three hellacious weeks and Jensen was at his wits end. Chris has effectively cut everyone out of his life. He was still working, Jen wasn't ashamed to admit that he had called Chris' PA to check on him. But now he had a whole new appreciation for just how withdrawn Chris had become.  
He worried his lip as he dialed the number. His stomach knotted it self into million of turns.  
“Lo.”  
“Chad it's Jen.”  
“Hey man, um... what's up?” Jen heard the surprise in his voice.  
“I'm just gonna cut to the chase. I know, Jay knows and God only knows who else knows. I know you and Chris were together and we all know you aren't now. I don't know why and to be honest I don't care. I – we just want you to both be happy.” He felt weird calling Jared's best friend, but he felt like he needed to handle this, not hand it off to someone else to take care of. He cared too much about Chris to do that.  
Chad sighed then groaned, “I don't-”  
“I don't care.” Jensen interrupted. “Chris loves you and I know Chris isn't stupid, so I know that you love him too.”  
Jensen didn't miss the small, almost silent, “Yeah I do.”  
“He's shut everyone out. We didn't even know he was doing shows in Vegas next week.”  
Chad nodded, he knew. He had been at Chris' while Chris was in talks with the his agent and the venues. That had been weeks before... well before.  
“Jay and I are going and I want you to go. I promise I won't tell him you were there, that you ever came if you go, see him and can walk away. But Chad, man, he's hurting and he wouldn't let me hurt like this is he could do anything to stop it.”  
Chad nodded again, “Yeah.” He knew Jensen was right and the truth be told he wanted to see Chris. He hated this, missed Chris, missed him so much he could still feel the slick, warmth of his hair sliding through his hands. He still woke in the middle of the night, missing his solid warmth behind him. He sighed, licked his lips and asked, “When?”  
Jen smiled, “Leaving Thursday. Got your ticket already.”  
Chad couldn't help but chuckle, “Okay see you then.”

~*~**~*~

Chris pulled on his cigarette as he watched his PA, Allie, pace back and forth. “Girl if I'd known you would be this nervous, I'd left your ass in LA.”  
She shot him a look but plopped down in the easy chair beside him. “How can you be so calm?”  
Chris shrugged, “Not my first live gig.”  
“Yeah but-” She sighed, this was how Chris was. Nothing ever seemed to bother him. At least until you got to know him. Once you got to know him you got to understand the far away look in his eyes. She knew Chris and he hadn't lied he wasn't nervous, not in the slightest.  
He was broken.  
She hadn't seen him smile on his own in weeks and when something happened and he was forced to smile, forced to play nice it seemed to take little more from him, his eyes grew just a bit darker and that scared the hell out of her.  
Allie watched as Chris stood when five minutes were called. He stood fluidly and lifted his guitar and let it slide to his back. He grabbed his hat, pushed his hair back with one hand and slid the stetson on with the other.  
He winked at her in the mirror and said, his Texan accent thick. “Wish me luck.”  
She smiled, “Break a leg.”

~*~**~*~

They sat in the back, none of them saying much as they waited. Jared elbowed Jensen and Jen's brows rose as if to say, 'What?!' Jared had spent most of the day trying to talk to his best friend, trying to pull the sadness that seemed to radiate from him away but finally after hours of useless attempts he gave up.  
Jared looked at Chad's bowed head then back to Jensen pointedly. Jensen knew he was screwed, if Jared didn't know how to cheer up Chad, he sure as hell didn't.  
Jensen sighed, “Well I-” Jen's words were drowned out mc's voice.  
“And now Christian Kane!” Chad's head snapped up and Jensen watched him lick his lips. As Chris came out on stage Jen could have sworn he heard Chad's pain filled moan over the roar of the audience.  
Jen turned to look at Chris and he gasped. He smiled like he meant it, moved like he was happy but his eyes were empty, hollow and for once Jensen was happy Chris had shut him out. He couldn't have handled watching the change.  
Chris sang most of his older songs and half through his play list he paused, took his hat off and wiped the sweat from his brow.  
“I've got something new for you tonight. I just wrote it and y'all will be the first to hear it.” He cleared his throat settled himself on the stool again and Jensen could read the tension in his set of his shoulders. He plucked a few strings then inhaled deeply. “This is for someone special. They may never know it but I'll always love you.”  
Chad turned and glared at Jensen then Jared. Jensen held up his hands, “I swear he doesn't know we are here.” Jared shook his head, turning to look back at the stage.  
Chris' voice was clear as he started to sing, his eyes drifted shut as his lips moved, “Well I know they say all goods things must come to some kinda of ending. We were so damn good, I guess we never stood a chance...”  
Chris' eyes opened during the second verse, and even from the back of the room Jensen could see the pain shine brightly in his eyes and he wondered for a moment if the look was mirrored in Chad's eyes until he heard the man clear his throat, emotion thick in the sound.  
Jensen watched both of the men as Chris sang, and he knew he was seeing more into the fight that had ended them than he would have ever been told if Chris would have ever told him.  
Chris' head dropped again, his voice changing becoming lower as the song went on, as if he was having to push to get the words out, _“And I’m thinkin' about the road you’re on, I’m thinkin' about you comin' home, I’m wondering if you've got your radio on...”_ Chris' voice shook as he paused, almost losing his place in the song and Jen knew he was about to cry as the final words fell from his lips, _“And when you find your way to another town, and someone tries to lay you down and a feelin' hits you right out of the blue... It's me thinking of you... That's just me thinking of you.”_  
As Chris finished the song, Jensen lowered his eyes giving what privacy he could to Chad as the man wiped a tear from his face.  
When Chris gave his final bow and rose from the stool, Jared, Jensen and Chad followed. Jared looked at Chad, his brow arching and Chad shook his head, “Like you have to ask.” Chad lead them from their table toward the side door that led backstage.  
“Hey Jensen!” Carl, one of Chris' friends and sometime bodyguard, called as the guys approached.  
“Hey man.” Jensen said, and thumped him on the back as they hugged. He introduced Jared and Chad and asked that Carl not announce their presence.  
“Gonna surprise him? Yeah I was wondering where you'd gotten off to.” Carl said with a laugh as he opened the side door.  
Jensen smiled and nodded as they stepped through the door. He looked over his shoulder to Chad and could see the tension clear on his face as they pushed into the darkness of the controlled chaos that was backstage.  
Chad looked between the two of his friends as they spllit and let him take lead. They continued down the hallway and when they reached the end Chad's heart was racing. His eyes were wide as he looked over his shoulder when they stopped in front of the main dressing room.  
Chad watched as Jensen grabbed Jared's hand and squeezed it tightly. He instantly felt like crying. He wanted that more than anything. He felt like teenage girl, and he hated it but he couldn't help what he wanted – how he felt. Chris had never kissed him in front of anyone, never went out of his way to touch him, or – he swallowed thickly as Jen and Jared shared a look that screamed how much they loved each other – looked at him in a way that proved Chris meant all the whispers of love he gave him in the dark.  
He wasn't asking that they come out to the world but Chad wanted to be able to kiss him, touch him, claim him around their friends.  
It had been the only thing that he wanted that Chris wouldn't give and in the end it was the only reason he had left.  
“It'll be okay, man.” Jared said softly.  
Chad's eyes closed as he felt Jared's massive hand on his shoulder. He nodded and knocked on the door. His heart sped as he heard Chris' voice from inside.  
“Allie, I thought you left already.” Chris' lukewarm smile fell from his face as he pulled open the door. He glanced at Jensen over his Chad's shoulder but his eyes snapped back to Chad in a flash. “You're here?”  
Chad couldn't form words but he nodded. His hands fisted at his side as his fingers itched to curl into Chris' hair.  
“The show?” Chris whispered, eyes still locked on Chad.  
Jensen didn't realize that Chad was crying until Chris moved a step closer to Chad. “Shh, baby.” He whispered softly, his hands coming up to palm Chad's face. “I'm so sorry.” Jared's hands tightened in Jensen's as Chris pulled Chad's face to his and kissed him softly, “I'm so sorry, baby.”  
“I am too.” Chad wrapped his arms around Chris and pulled him tightly against him, bending down to burying his head in his neck.  
Chris rested his head on Chad's shoulder and wrapped his arms around Chad's trembling body, “I meant it baby.” He pressed his lips to Chad's shoulder, “I love you.”  
Chad pulled back and wrapped his hand around the back of Chris' neck, his fingers lacing into his hair, “I love you too.”  
Jensen looked up at Jared suddenly feeling as if he was intruding as Chris kissed Chad deeply.  
Jared smiled and pulled Jensen to his chest. Jensen buried his face in Jared's chest inhaling his scent deeply. He sighed happily as Jared whispered against his ear, “More than anything, Jen forever.”  
Jensen smiled as he pulled back to look up at Jared. “I love you, too.” Jared pressed a kiss to Jensen's lips and winked at him when he pulled back.  
Jensen looked back over his shoulder as Chad whispered something to Chris his hands curling around his jaw. Chris nodded then looked at Jensen. He reached up and laced his fingers through Chad and smiled at him. “I guess this was your doing?”  
Jensen turned and nodded, “Yeah.” He lowered his eyes before continuing, “You would'a done it for me.”  
Chris nodded and stepped forward he wrapped his free hand around Jensen's neck, pulling him closer and hugged him, “In a heart beat.” He looked at Jared as he spoke.  
Jared nodded and wrapped his arm around Jensen's waist as Chris released him. 


End file.
